Growing up as Herb Yalof’s daughter was a treat. When the other kids on the block were getting the latest and greatest toys, I always got the latest in fashion. When I was six years old the hot new item was a paper dress. My father brought one home for me on a Friday night and I put it on the next morning. It was a day we were headed to the zoo. I was so proud of my new paper dress, until we got to the petting zoo area. There, while I was feeding the chickens, a goat came up and started eating my dress. My knee length paper dress soon became a mini-skirt and threatened to become even less than that. My dad merely turned to me and said, well now you really have the latest fashion.
Through out much of our childhood, on Sunday mornings, Dad would wake up and ask us, who isn’t doing something today? There was always one of us who had no plans. At which point, he would say, O.K. you and I are going out, you have 30 seconds to decide where you want to go and then I am picking (his pick would have been foxwoods, had it been around at the time.) I once asked to go to a restaurant for lunch which was in Amish Country, 2 and 1/2 hours away. Without blinking an eye he got in the car and away we went. I am still amazed that my father would drive so far just to have lunch at a place I requested. But that was my dad. He would do anything for anyone.
His generosity of spirit went far beyond his own family. One story among many typifies my dad’s generosity. Macy’s had an executive elevator that was run by an elevator operator named Benny. At least once a month, Benny would admire my father’s tie. He would say to my dad Mr. Yalof, I really love the tie you are wearing. Without hesitation, my dad always said, Benny, since you like it so much, I want you to have it. And with that he pulled off his brand new tie and handed it over.
Not only did he enjoy doing for others, he also made sure we always felt special about what we did for him. Each father’s day, my dad had a tradition of wearing to breakfast all the gifts we had given him. Once, when we were all already grown, I with two young kids of my own, we celebrated father’s day in Vermont. I think Suze gave my dad cotton pajama’s which he loved, Stephen gave him a tie, my kids gave him a gator hat and I had given him a wallet. Imagine the site when he came down in a tie, a gator hat and a wallet tucked in his new pajamas. And he would wear it the whole day, letting us know that what we chose for him was just perfect.
I would be remiss without acknowledging what a remarkable grandfather he was. A few years ago, when my kids were in need of a little extra TLC, on several occasions, my dad awoke early on a Sunday morning to make the drive down from Vermont to Larchmont in time for breakfast, just to make his special chocolate chip pancakes. These pancakes became so legendary and important that three weeks ago, when we were all together and he was really weak and sick, he got out of bed to make sure his seven youngest grandchildren got their pancakes. He wanted to show them he was o.k. On our way home that weekend, Ross even said to me, Grandpa is fine, he made us our pancakes.
And that is exactly what my dad wanted until the end, to make sure we knew he was fine. He wanted to take care of us, not for us to take care of him. This past weekend, we had a running joke that despite the fact that my dad was only semi-conscious, he was still able to throw me out of the room every time I offered to help him. He didn’t want us to help him, he was the strong one, our leader and the boss. (Although my Mom did give him a run for the money these past few weeks, showing that she is stronger than anyone) Suze, Stevie, my Mom and I all agreed that the remarkable swiftness with which he left this world was by his own design and on his own terms. He took care of us until the end, making sure that we would not suffer for a long time worrying about or taking care of him.
My father was a remarkable man. He was smart, handsome, and incredibly funny. A few weeks ago, when he was in the hospital, which he hated, he told me that time stood still. He would look at the clock at 1:00 and then three hours later it was 1:03. I wish I could do his sense of humor more justice – I assure you, he had us laughing every day of our life.
I am sorry that my father is gone so soon, but I am grateful that Lauren, Danny, Ross and I as well as my brother and sister, brother in law and sister in law, nieces, nephews and cousins had the benefit of his teachings. He showed us by action, and not by words, how to be kind, hard working, thoughtful and generous. He taught us good manners and the importance of fine things – which, by the way, he could find just as easily at Asprey and Paul Stuart as he could at Walmart. I will miss my dad terribly but I take comfort in knowing that because of his profound influence on everyone that he touched, he will live on forever. Everyone thinks they have a great father, and I am no exception. He really was the best father I could ever ever wish for.
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